Co-regulation/KOH-reg-yuh-LAY-shun/
Supporting someone’s nervous system to calm or activate through shared cues: steady presence, tone, breath, and environment.
Andy says:
Sometimes your brain borrows calm from someone nearby—like syncing heartbeats.
Detailed Explanation
Co‑regulation precedes self‑regulation: we learn it through safe relationships.
Practical elements:
- Calm voice and fewer words
- Predictable routines and expectations
- Reducing sensory load (light, sound, crowding)
- Simple choices and time to respond
In crises, co‑regulation is primary; coaching comes later.
Community Context
Used by parents, teachers, peers, and clinicians. In meltdown/shutdown, co-regulation replaces lectures and demands.
Quick Tips
- Lower your voice and pace; soften lighting; offer water
- Stand to the side, not blocking exits; give time
- Use simple, validating phrases; avoid “why questions” in crisis
Do / Don't
- Do: model calm; reduce demands; offer choices
- Do: anchor with routines and sensory tools
- Don't: argue, rush, or crowd
Scripts (Examples)
- "I’m here. We can take time."
- "Would you like water or quiet?"
- "We can pause this and try later."
Scientific Context
Grounded in polyvagal and attachment-informed practices; co-regulation improves recovery times and learning readiness.
Language Notes
Pairs with neuroaffirming, meltdown/shutdown guidance.
Related Terms
Autistic Meltdown
An involuntary state of overwhelming distress in which an autistic person temporarily loses the ability to self-regulate, often resulting in crying, shouting, pacing, or other intense behaviors.
Autistic Shutdown
An involuntary response to overload where an autistic person becomes very quiet or unresponsive, withdrawing to protect themselves and reduce input.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of being rejected or criticized.
Accommodations
Changes to the environment, tools, timing, or expectations that remove barriers so a person can participate on an equal basis.
Neuroaffirming
Creating spaces, practices, and attitudes that accept and support neurodivergent people as they are, rather than trying to change, fix, or hide their differences.
Sources
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